What You Seek Is Seeking You

"How is that possible?" a client asked me last week. "How is it possible that what I want most in my life right now isn't already here if it's actually seeking me?" she said with a look of confusion and a little irritability. I invited her to take a deep breath for a moment and listen to this short story...

A long time ago, I wanted to be an artist and a veterinarian, two careers that seemed to not be related in any way shape or form. I had this burning desire to help horses and also create art so that the world could some how feel more beautiful. As I sought after a degree, and experience, I thought the only way to accomplish these goals and aspirations was to work, work, work. Learn more, paint more and do all of it as efficient as possible. I worked tirelessly and was so incredibly driven to make a difference. I was blinded by my desire to "get there" quickly. I had no idea how to get there, I just wanted to get there. Eventually, I buried my dreams that involved horses because they seemed too far away, just out of reach, because of invisible walls I had put up around myself. I couldn't see past them. I imprisoned myself into this small world where I was "doing the best I can" and not really living at all. It was honestly a lie. I was living a lie. During all that time, I was actually seeking something much more...I didn't know it at the time, but I was seeking the connection to myself. I was seeking connection to the things I love. The things that light my fire and allow me to fully glow as the being that God made me to be. I'm not talking about being "happy", no that's not what it is. I'm talking fulfillment, contentment, and pure joy. It is different than feeling happy. I was seeking what keeps me alive! I jump out of bed 365 days a year because of that passion, horses, creativity, and yes, the art of living well for me. It is why I ask everyone I work with what they enjoyed as a child. There is a glimpse of that passion and desire that needs to be uncovered. I'm not interested in what you do for a living unless you tell me it's your passion.

The look of an "a-ha moment" flashed across her face.

To quote Oriah Mountain Dreamer, "It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing."

What is this life for if we do not get to know the deepest parts of ourselves and love them, accept them, embrace them, and hold them with great respect? Each and every part of us has value.

If what you seek is seeking you - and this is always true, dig a little deeper into what you're really seeking.

Is it a soulmate? What would that give you?

Is it a career? What would that do for you?

Is it freedom? Again, how does that fuel your fire?

Whenever you desire something in your life, always, always, always ask yourself more. Take the time to dig into those aspirations that will guide your decisions or often times steer them in ways that you don't want unless you do the digging in the first place.

If you want to be rich, you need to live beneath your means.

If you want to be wise, you must be quiet and observe.

If you want to be successful, you must first define your definition of success (which is different for everyone.)

If not now, when? This is also the question I find so imperative to our curious existence. If not now, when will you start listening?

I used to say I will sleep when I'm dead because I didn't sleep very well in my 30's and 40's. At first I thought it was surely because of my children. I became such a light sleeper, it was easy for me to attend to their needs when they were babies. That type of gift is so helpful as young parents soon find out. It never bothered me. I loved the moonlit nights sitting in a rocking chair nursing our little one back to sleep. The house quiet as a mouse. Only our footsteps making sounds as I tiptoed our baby back to the crib. Today, I don't want to sleep when I'm dead, I want to listen to my body so I can rest and recharge each and every day. My fifteen minute recharge in the afternoon is now part of my routine that truly allows a much needed rest after working so hard and I love it! Who wouldn't? I feel like I'm living in France or where ever it is that they all take a nap in the middle of the day.

What you seek is seeking you... it's not about dreaming it up. It's about one small action towards what you're really seeking. It's about listening, digging, and then as my guardian angel once said to me, "keep going".