Sitting With Emotional Discomfort
- carolynes777
- 2 hours ago
- 4 min read
Hmmm... Who would think there would even be such a thing. Emotional Discomfort... And yet it is the driving force for some many decisions and behaviors. When we feel the discomfort coming, we will do anything to avoid it. Emotional Discomfort stems from something deep within, it could be trauma, but it also could be unresolved personal, professional, or emotional needs that are not being met. To me, that sounds like a person is out of alignment with their own values. Somehow, along life's journey, they got sidetracked into believing someone else's values, and thought those might be their own. This is always the lie that messes with our minds and begins to create roadblocks, insecurity, and unhealthy coping mechanisms like over working, distraction, or numbing one's self. Sadly, emotional avoidance doesn't make the emotions go away.... Instead, it compounds the issue even more. I always picture that snowball that starts at the top of a mountain as small, but as it rolls down the mountain, it gets bigger and bigger until it's the size of another mountain. No one wants to climb yet another mountain, and yet, one was just created by none other than ourselves.
Ironically, even being a "people pleaser" is about avoiding emotions. People pleasers are avoiding the pain of disappointing someone and therefore not able to sit with the emotional discomfort. Doing a simple search on Google will explain how people pleasing is really a form of self abandonment to manage personal anxiety that at its core is dishonest, and a way to control things on the outside instead of on the inside.
As soon as we dig a little more we will find our own root causes to the how's and whys we are the way we are. Why does it matter? Well, if we want to become the most authentic person God designed us to be, then it's incredibly important to understand what drives our behavior so we can improve it, live with integrity and a peace that only that kind of knowledge can bring us. "The answers lie within" comes to mind as said by the great wisdom of Rumi and Lao Tzu.
In the meantime, how can we learn to sit with emotional discomfort? Well, it all starts with some simple things:
STOP... Don't do anything. You are aware of the emotional discomfort and that in itself is a start. When we are finally aware of something, the rose colored glasses have come off and we can now see what we didn't see about ourselves before.
NOTICE... What does your body want to do at this moment.... Most likely it is to run, to make a quick decision, to "fix" the situation, to say something without thinking, etc.
FIND YOUR HEARTBEAT... Yes, find your heart beat in your body... Giving yourself the five to ten seconds it takes to find your heart beat also allows your body to continue to do what it does without your control... breathe, breathe, breathe.
TRUST that you will be ok... This is the most challenging step. At this point in the process, there are a couple directions you can go. Trust that God will carry you through. Trust that your inner wisdom will know what to do. Trust that everything will be ok.
NOTICE...the difference that you feel after doing steps 1 - 4. This part is incredibly important because it builds resiliency that is acknowledged. If you don't know how strong you are, the same thing will continue to happen. When you silently acknowledge how you were able to sit with the discomfort, you have strengthened your own resolve.
No one is immune to emotional discomfort, and yet it seems like we are all alone at the moment we are feeling it. The longest relationship we get to have is the one with ourselves. This does not give us permission to become self absorbed for our entire lives. It means we get to develop that relationship over time and create the compass for how we would like to experience our present and future. No two people are the same in this life. That is the beauty of it all. There will never be another YOU on this planet and that makes us incredibly valuable and one of a kind creatures. And yet, we are all part of a larger collective. We have tendencies that help guide us because they are similar in so many ways. When all is said and done, we still get to choose how we respond once we are aware that we have the choice.
If you are having trouble with any of the steps outlined above, I invite you to contact me. One thing I know for sure, you don't know what you don't know. So if I can offer you a way to understand yourself with kindness and grace, I've done my part as well. If this is something that resonates with you, my contact is wildfiredreamsegc@gmail.com
