Anonymous

What's with everyone wanting approval, attention, or even the lime light to feel worthy of something? I'm always seeking to understand and so I question these things late at night when I can't sleep, wondering why I'm even awake at 3 am. Sometimes I want to blame it on the school systems - only rewarding extrinsically, conditioning our children to believe they must get the reward in order to valued in life. It all happens without giving a child the chance to feel good just for the fact that they accomplished something. Then I think, well maybe it's parents. They're constantly rewarding and the children are constantly seeking that approval. I don't know. The story I tell myself is that it's nice to have someone notice what we do, yet what really matters is how we feel on the inside when we value our own worth - not how someone else views it. I've always been an anonymous type person. I like being in the background, behind the scenes. For most of my adult life, I spent years and years pushing myself to be more like those who loved the spot light, who always looked like they just stepped out of a salon on Monday morning, lived "professional" careers, who had an abundance of things, who won awards, got public recognition for their good work, and seemed so glamourous that there was no way that little ole' me could keep up. I worked and worked on every part of what the outside world said mattered. I had glimpses of myself show up from time to time. The mother, the artist, the horse whisperer, the entrepreneur, the farmer. They all would fade in and out and then leave completely, accept being a mother. That one has always been the strongest part of me.

Unfortunately, every woman has the potential to lose herself completely when listening to the outside world and what it wants from her. We are natural givers - and that can mean so much. It can also mean we get stuck in patterns where our natural creative hearts feel trapped, and no longer able to breathe. Picture any one of these:

The woman who has no idea what she wants to do with her life.

The woman who's got young children, juggling their needs, a home, expectations from family, friends, and co-workers, and herself and is burning out.

The woman who is alone with no one to lean on, talk with, trust, be vulnerable with, and yet she's in a relationship.

The woman who is so laser focused on one aspect of her life that it becomes her life, and it's not healthy.

The woman who lost everything she thought she had - her relationship, her career, her home, her way of being.

The woman who carries deep pain because she has no idea what to do with it.

The woman who feel everything around her and it's overwhelming.

The woman who only see obstacles in front of her and loses hope.

I used to visualize these scenarios as being stuck in a rut while pushing a wheel barrow. To begin with, it's hard as hell to push a wheel barrow with one wheel. You have to balance the weight inside of it on one wheel with the strength in your arms and concentrate on that balance. Otherwise, it just tips over. When you have a rut that the wheel created for years, it almost feels more secure, like the wheel barrow could steady itself while you just keep pushing as hard as you can. No need to focus on it while there's so many other things happening in life. Just keep pushing it while the rut keeps the wheelbarrow on the same path, over and over again. Then one day, the wheel barrow feels heavier than expected. You hadn't noticed all the things being piled into the wheel barrow. It's not the same as the day before. It's so much harder to balance. On top of that, you see a little bit more of this so called "path" that the rut has created for you. It is getting deeper. In fact, it looks down right ugly. You don't want to stay on that path anymore. You want to get out of it entirely, but the wheel of that said wheel barrow is stuck in the rut. It cannot be pushed out of the rut no matter how hard you try.

It is at this moment that we must do something that is totally different than we have in the past. We don't know what we don't know. At this point, we have to decide, if not now, when? How long am I willing to do the same thing over and over and expect different results? During these chapters of our life, we know it's going to be hard. Life is meant to be hard. Life is not fair either. There is only one thing left to do. We must take action! Novel idea, right? Does it feel uncomfortable? YES Does it feel awkward? YES Does it even feel wrong? YES

All these feelings were literally created to stop you from getting out of the rut because the rut is safe, even though it is the worst thing for you. Your heart and soul know it. Deep down, you know it too. It is at this time in our lives when we may feel the most alone. We feel invisible. We may feel like no one could possibly understand what we're going through.

What does this have to do with being anonymous? Well, for me, it's because when I realized that it's ok to be anonymous, I started to live. When I was able to stop thinking that everyone was looking at me, judging me, putting pressure on me, I felt better about being me. It's ok that I can secretly shine my light in ways that I love without the world having to know about it. It's ok that I spend my days helping others turn their own light back on so we can walk together through their darkness. It's ok to be a guide who's only purpose is to be extraordinarily anonymous.

I will celebrate the first day of more light knowing that I am fully and happily me... anonymously living the way I was meant to. When we are content with being anonymous, there's nothing that we can't do because we're doing everything for the greatest good of humanity. It begins with a choice to do good when no one else is looking, then do good for the sake of only that. When we choose to be anonymous, our lives become extraordinary in ways we never could imagine. As we experience the last days of 2025, give yourself the opportunity to do good things anonymously and see how you feel. It may surprise you just how spectacular you feel afterwards.