At any point in history, a person could say they were living in the most important time in history... It is the most important time because it is our time... We get one chance, well we get many chances, every single day to build our lives and make it all worth while. There are so many ways to go about this. We can sit with what is important to us. We can educate ourselves through experience and learning from others. We can explore and live each day in the moment. And then reality smacks us across the face and throws all manner of obstacles at us. I used to think God was playing this game of dive bombing me with tragedy just to see how I would respond. When my friend died in a car wreck when I was 16 just minutes after I hugged her good bye. When I lost a dear colleague, again minutes after we planned to get our families together to go horse back riding. He died of a heart attack while playing basketball just 15 minutes after our conversation. When I searched the water in the darkness for another friend that we later found had drowned. So many instances where life happened, well actually, death happened, and I responded in only the way I could - with compassion and kindness for those around me even when my heart had been shattered. It was a reoccurring theme in my life that I wanted to be rid of completely. I didn't know how all that life experience could one day allow me to sit with a mother who lost her adult son, or the child that lost her sibling. I didn't know all those experiences were molding me into this being that glowed in the darkness for others at their weakest times. You don't know what you don't know. Mourning is a process that is painful, but also beautiful at the same time. Much like a physical injury, it takes as long as it needs. Grief is something that no one wants to experience and yet we have no choice. If we're going to live, we're going to experience it. That is the balance that makes the universe go round. Keeping our hearts open to the possibilities of living requires three things:
TRUST - trusting yourself that no matter what happens, you will honor your response
BELIEF - believing that you are enough just as you are
FAITH - knowing in your heart that you are exactly where you need to be at this moment
During those times of loss and struggle. I honored my tears. I cried alot. I allowed my heart to be moved by memories. I believe that we are all supposed to share our lives with others in ways that are a mystery to us. We don't always know the good we are doing for someone else just by being present. Showing up, being fully present in the moment gives us that freedom. My faith grows every day when I give up any illusion of control. There is nothing more freeing than that acceptance. It is grace and will all wrapped up in a beautiful bouquet of kindness to ourselves and the world. Yes, it takes skills and practice. Yes, it takes discipline. Yes, it is ok if you're not there yet.
My wish for you is that you seek what your spirit is guiding you towards. One of the best ways I learned to look at my own actions is to ask myself, "Is this good and healthy for me?" If I answer yes, then I ask, "Is this good for my community?" If that check's off, then I ask, "Is this good for the world?" By keeping my choices within those boundaries, I set about living in a way that is the ripple effect of good. No amount of hurt can change that for me. If I'm hurting and I cry, that is good for me. If I'm hurting and I drink alcohol to numb the pain, that is not good for me. See my point? If I'm hurting and I call my coach, that is good for me. If I'm hurting and I eat a pint of ice cream, that is not. Simple, yet so challenging. So how do we get over the hump when it really hurts?
Go back to #1.... Trust yourself and if you can't, connect with someone who will encourage you. #2 Believing in YOU means a deep knowing that you are enough and feelings change from one moment to the next
#3 Having Faith that right now, you are exactly where you need to be. Checking in with your body instead of being inside your head makes all the difference
Keeping my heart open has given me the will to keep going when life is hard, and the challenges that were within me were speaking loud and clear. I didn't want to face my fears; however, my biggest gift in life has been the freedom to trust myself now - now that I've faced my fears, now that I've sat with my darkness, now that I know myself and accept myself for everything I am and am not. I am joy and sadness. I am dark and deep. I am light and lovely. I am all the colors in the forest. I am passion and tenacity. I am a glowing ember of hope in this unique world. I will keep my heart open and trust I will continually move towards my best life.
~Carolyne
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