This time of year has always been awful for me. The slow but very visible transition of days getter shorter and shorter is felt in every cell of my body. In the past, I've lost sleep, my anxiety would go through the roof - the upcoming holidays have a way of creating way too much expectation for this little mind, and I felt a sadness that enveloped me beyond reason. All because of a change in seasons. I am fully aware of how sensitive my body is to the earth's rotation.
I love Autumn, really I do. September and October are literally my favorite. It's the month of November that kicks my ass. Maybe it's because I hate the shorter days - less time in the fields with the horses. Maybe its the lack of sunlight. Living in Northern Michigan, we literally say good bye to the sun around this time and hope and pray we see that beautiful thing a handful of times before next Spring. I've read about seasonal affective disorder, so nice of them to make it sound like a disease. I've listened to my doctor and take my vitamin D. And this year, I did something that made all the difference.
On the first day of November, I set my intention to embrace the darkness. Embrace the darkness has been my mantra this entire month. I make a cup of tea every morning around 6:15 and steep the tea for two full minutes before pouring in the soy milk. I take a sip and feel every ounce of that incredibly warm deliciousness permeate my body. I look out my window at the stars and say a small "thank you" that I get to see them because I actually woke up this morning. And then I ask myself, what could I do this morning, before daylight, that would be the best thing in the world for me, for someone else, or possibly for the world?
What an opportunity! Lately, I've been seeing these things as doors. A door that opens in our minds. A place for us to walk through and embrace the darkness because soon, it will be light.
The same goes for our own "darkness", you know, the things we don't like about ourselves. We all have parts that we just don't like about our own personalities. They're there, and they are what make you a whole person. What's fascinating is when they show up, how they are showing up and what we can do when that happens. Have you ever seen the kids movie, "Inside out"? There's a lot of truth to that movie. This November, I embraced my darkness. The part of me that gets sad during this time of year. The part of me that is impatient. The part of me that is uncomfortable with change. I knew they were all there, showing up, right on time and I hated those parts. Embracing them took some courage. I have a ton of that. It also took some faith. My faith is growing every single day. I decided to see my sadness as love. Love that feels the beauty, peace, and comfort of the darkness. I decided to see my impatience as desire. Desire to enjoy this time where we can rest, recharge, and soak in the moments that made this year so special. I decided to see my fear of change as creativity. Creativity to that blossoms even in November! Creativity that has can be shared with others. I decided to love all my darkness and here we are, half way through November and this year, it's quite different than any other I've experienced.
Will all Novembers be like this one? It doesn't matter. The only one that is important is the one we are living in right now. I hope your November is as beautifully dark as mine and you can embrace the darkness.