There is this place I go - usually while I'm writing, that sends me on a path called my vision of my life. I write about how I would like it to be.. What I want in my life, what I don't want in my life, and everything in between. I write about a new horse trailer to take Javi on adventures, a place to fly south for the winter someday so that we don't have to survive the tough winters when we're old and grey. I write about dreams for my children and how I would love to be in their life for Sunday dinners and all the special occasions for as long as I live. These things are all dreams of mine that I want to keep close, on the front burner, and never out of reach.
The magical thing about writing down my vision is how it starts to manifest a change in me. I used to write down what I wanted to scream at someone because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I was so hurt by what was said that I had to get it all out. These awful sentences would flow from my mind onto the page like poison leaking from my veins. I was furious and the only way I knew to release that fury was on the page where it was safe and I wouldn't hurt anyone.
I'm not talking about strangers... I'm pretty good at sticking up for myself when it comes to the outside world. It's the relationships in my family that got the best of me. I would allow people in my family to manipulate me and try to change who I was as a person. I started believing the lies they said and how I felt after I heard those things. I didn't like it at all. The quiet one with the sensitive side was absorbing so much negativity by my family, that I needed to get away from all of them just so I could think. I spent so much time writing all this negativity - focusing on other's behavior and how it was affecting me.
I think best when I'm with the horses. I know who I am when I am with them - creative and confident, quiet, patient, solid, the lead mare. From my perspective, lead mares are pretty adamant about keeping their family stable, peaceful and on the move. I love that about them. They're incredible mothers. I enjoy studying their behavior and how they respond to what their foals do. I think it's interesting that a mare will follow her foal to allow them to explore everything not the other way around. One of the mantras that I live by is "be good when no one is looking". I didn't want to repeat the dysfunction that I grew up in. I didn't want to be one of those people that are so kind and wonderful in public and then become mean and horrible at home with their family. And yet, I almost went down that path with my own family. I worked incredibly hard to be kind to everyone around me accept to myself. On the inside, I was beating myself up.
When I think about my VISION of what life is and what I want it to be, ten years ago, I was dreaming of owning a horse, now I have 5. Ten years ago, I dreamed of my husband and I working together, and we do. Ten years ago, I dreamed of living on a horse farm with room for our entire family to visit and guess what, we do. I guess my point is, write it down. Step into the arena of dreams. Step into where you want to head next. If your happy with everything the way it is right now, then don't move, but are you really? I live life by manifesting my dreams in my writing first. Some might say their my little prayers to God - writing out specific prayers is another thing I do. It doesn't matter what you call it, I know it works for me. When we write our dreams, our goals, our visions, they are the spark that ignites our call to action. It is step one of many, and as we all know, the first step is the most important one to take.
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