When I was in graduate school, our professor asked all of us to go outside and stand in a line at the edge of the parking lot. We were all excited to get out of the classroom so we dove in with enthusiasm for what felt like an easy exercise. It was hot outside. A dry, summer day in Denver, Colorado. We were giddy and chatting as we stood in line. The professor held up her hand to silence everyone. Then the questions came:
Did both your parents graduate high school. (yes or no) Take a step forward if you answered yes.
Are either of your parents from a minority ethnicity (yes or no) Take a step forward if your answer is no.
Did you receive a scholarship to go to college (yes or no) Take a step forward if you answered yes
Did you come from a home with any type of substance abuse (yes or no) Take a step forward if you answered no.
Did you come from a home with any type of physical abuse (yes or no) Take a step forward if you answered no.
Did you come from a home where there wasn't enough money for basic needs (clothing, food, utilities) (yes or no) Take a step forward if you answered no.
Did you grow up with both your parents in the home, ie. no divorce. (Yes or no) Take a step forward if you answered yes.
Did you grow up with any physical or mental disabilities. (yes or no) Take a step forward if you answered no.
Did your parents have some post secondary education? (yes or no) Take a step forward if you answered yes
Did you pay for your own post secondary education? (yes or no) Take a step forward if you answer no
At about question 5, I felt very exposed. Every new question was allowing all the other women to take a step forward and me having to stand still. I wasn't allowed to move forward because my stars landed me in a family of poverty, with parents that were not only uneducated, but also suffering from substance abuse. I felt like I had been found out, a complete imposter in the world of smart women on their way to getting masters degrees.
I had completely forgotten that I was there... I was one of those women working full time teaching, raising a child, and working toward that same goal... Earning a Masters Degree.
Yes, I might have been from the wrong side of the tracks, but that didn't stop me from striving for and accomplishing my goals. What I hated most about this exercise was it was meant to teach empathy to those students who didn't realize anyone was "behind" them in this journey. They believed their life was so hard and they were working so hard to get where they were going without realizing how their journey was very different than others who had gone without those added benefits right from the beginning.
No one liked this exercise. Everyone in the front felt awful for the people in the back. Everyone in the back, me included, felt like we had been found out - the imposters that wanted only to forget where we came from. At one point in the lesson, the professor seemed to be regretting she ever chose to do the exercise at all.
We went back inside and sat down in our air conditioned classroom. Our seats were laid out in this gigantic U shape so we had to look at each other and participate equally. It was tough. I saw the feelings of guilt, shame, and kindness coming from all across the room. I saw women wanting to change their stars even when their stars placed them with every access to shining their brightest. The professor knew this conversation was going to bring up a lot of baggage. She had opened the door to pandora's box about the opportunities we perceive our students have or don't have and the reality that comes with it. She spoke of social justice, not feeling sorry for our students, but never judging them for their position in life. She spoke about racism and classism - how easily it is to feel sorry for a student and then lower expectations or worse, be so hard on them and set them up for failure. And then I raised my hand... I chose to say something that day, that changed the way everyone in the room felt about that exercise, including me. The professor called on me and asked me a question before I even had a chance to say anything. She said, "I noticed where you were in the line and correct me if I'm wrong, but there were a lot of people ahead of you before you ever even started out in life. She called me out... She took a risk. Would I share my frustration in how life isn't fair and these hurdles are exactly why so many people just give up? Would I share my own story? Would I get angry at her and say she's a terrible professor for putting us in that situation?
I smiled at her and replied, "Yes, that is true. I came from a very poor family in the eyes of some. They had their own personal struggles. But that was not what I wanted to focus on. I want to share with everyone in this room today, that you left out a lot of important questions to ask. You didn't ask, if we believed in ourselves. You didn't ask about our faith in our purpose. For me, it didn't matter that I came from the "wrong side of the tracks" If anything, my childhood made me that much stronger, wiser, and intuitive in ways that I still don't fully understand. I won't compare myself to anyone because that is where we lose our belief. We all have this desire to compare to find positives and negatives, but maybe we should be comparing to find harmonies... Ways that each of us work together for the good of this life." She smiled back. Everyone took a deep breath and some of them were writing frantically in their notebooks. Another woman raised her hand and said she didn't understand why she felt ashamed of growing up wealthy, but she did. We talke about that shame. We talked about what happens in the classroom when we compare the haves to the have nots. We talked about who is decided that.
I am a firm believer in education.... We don't know and cannot progress in life without one. We fall short when we think we know enough... We don't. There will always be so much more to learn and we must continue our journey in the way our heart leads us. I am so grateful for my education. I am so grateful that I raised my hand that day. I was able to use it for the good of this world. Guiding, encouraging, and empowering everyone I've ever came in contact with - no matter what side of the tracks they come from. That is a mission right there. What's yours?
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